Humour a human. Do you ever feel alone? Do you ever feel like you’re in a box? Do you ever feel vulnerable? We humans don’t really like to feel, not feelings that are complex anyway. Why? Because it feels like you’re robbed of your power to exist. Trapped in a space between nothingness and pain. Maybe I’m being dramatic but poetic license, so blow me.
I struggle with that you know. Feeling alone in a room full of people. I don’t understand why it happens and I hate that it does. It makes strangers out of everyone. It persists irregardless of my efforts.
I run to my thoughts and shelter myself inside my thoughts. Escaping reality. Sometimes I feel like a coward, but it’s all words. Am I a coward or just strategically retreating? Whichever it is, it is what it is. Reality doesn’t change because I’m not there. People don’t become better because I’m not looking. The shit doesn’t disappear because I’ve closed the toilet. I wish these words could ginger something in me, but it doesn’t. I’m writing this with nimble fingers in a world of m solidified smoke.
It’s quite a dilemma. I feel disconnected but I’m writing this so smoothly. I don’t understand it. It wants attention. When I ignore it i get hurt, but when I give it attention it subsides. Is it human now as a result of our interaction? If it’s exhibiting logic and rationality, why then is it here? Or maybe it’s just me trying to rationalise this. Maybe I’m it. Plot twist this is a simulation of my making.